have u ever blank out during test or exams? horrible mixture of panic and anxiety as u watch the clock tick by, staring at the questions yet not knowing what to do, watching everyone busy scribbling on their paper. strangely detached from my mind, no impression of any formulaes studied beforehand. Just staring at the questions, seeing yet not comprehanding, thinking yet no connection to it. it's like.. my brain disappeared.
and afterwards when papers were collected, people all around commenting on how easy the test was, reality suddenly sinks in. i did not even complete enough questions to ensure i pass. tears start to fall, juz wanna get away from " the test was ok la, quite easy..." running to the toilet crying along the way, unable to stop. uncontrollable crying is not at all like me.. but it seems recently i've been doing tt more often.
finally stopped. but when i start seeing my frenz again n they try to comfort me the tears started down again. dont u ever get this feeling tt it is harder to stop crying when ppl all want to say nice things to make u stop crying? how ironic.. all tt comforting somehow makes it worse.. and all tt stuff abt "nevermind its juz a test" , "work harder nxt time", "i also worse la" doesnt help. i know it in my mind, but it doesnt reconcile with my emotions. n how many times haf i said it b4, to convince my self, to comfort frenz? oni this time, i lost control. it's not a nice feeling. but once u r past the 'crying stage' and have calmed down, though still slightly sad, the emotional burden feels much lighter. I guess crying helps to release emotions in a good way.. at least better than keeping it inside...
